Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
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