she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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