I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
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