I didn't shave. On purpose
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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