i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Houston, we have a squirter
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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