Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Randomize
