So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
