i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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