you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
