nutella sex= disaster
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
