that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
im holly from the hills drunk
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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