I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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