none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
