Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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