My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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