I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
