Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Randomize
