you mean i was at the winter classic?
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
