Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
You ruined the universe
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Randomize
