My boss' voice literally gives me gas
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I'm bleeding and have questions
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
