it was like eating out sand paper
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
