I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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