I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
