Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
