he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
