I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
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