You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
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