Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
