I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
