you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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