i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Randomize
