I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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