he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
