I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
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