I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
