I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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