She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
