It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
