4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
