wrigley field is MILF paradise
he shaved USA in his pubs
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
The Olympian is in my bed
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
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