you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
