and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
i already hear my dad disowning me
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize
