mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
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