i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Randomize
