You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
