Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
worst night to have a conscience
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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