Operation Purity has been aborted
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
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