Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
I party with great urgency now.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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