Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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