wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
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