we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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