I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
